Saturday, March 21, 2009

Grief - and Joy

For those of you who aren't able to check out Adoptive Families Magazine, they posted the article, The Waiting Game. Their edit is not too different from my own until the end. So I've included an excerpt from what didn't make it in the magazine.

We recently celebrated the one year anniversary of the court date finalizing her adoption. We spent the day at the mall where we ate lunch, built her a teddy bear, and ate a large sugar cookie with “Forever Family” iced on. When we got home, we pulled out some home movies of the four years between the infertility and birth of our daughter. Seeing my wife and myself during this time gave me a different perspective on grief. I thought the despair would be evidenced on our faces and taint the holidays and special occasions we were filming. But as I looked for signs, I didn’t see any. In the videos taken the first couple years of our marriage, my wife had a beaming smile as she opened her Christmas presents from me. But what wasn’t in the video was her crying herself to sleep that night as she mourned the passing of another holiday without children.

I thought about our celebration day and realized that I hadn’t let any grief or fear defeat me or ruin my day. The idea that something wrong could happen never entered my mind. I didn’t have to dread a phone call or emails with bad news. I could allow myself to rejoice that sometimes things do work out. I was free to spend the day with my wife without worrying that she could break down into tears at any moment. Without my greatest fear, that one day my daughter could be gone or taken, I’m not only free to enjoy my life with her, but to enjoy my days with her, to love her, to kiss her, to play with her.


Tricia said...

you have such a way with writing! I was able to read this when it was first published and it gave me goose bumps

Sweet Patience said...

This was an excellent article. Right now we are on a rollercoaster of emotions not knowing when things will take place with our adoption and ensuring that we are praying for the right situation to be presented.
I believe that most people suffer in silence during the process especially if there are fertility issues along with fear and what if's. It is so deep and for us it has tested our faith and brought us even closer to God as a couple and as individuals.
This is one of those situations that most people do not discuss because it is such a personal and emotional time.
Thanks again for sharing such a personal testimony.

Claudia said...

Thanks so much for writing this article - it's really helpful. We're still in hte waiting, and i often think 'I don't want to look back and wish I had been able to let myself enjoy the anticipation'. Because most of the time, at the moment, that anticipation is just fear about what might go wrong!

Anyway - i really appreciated this. Thanks.